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Poetry
Aug 10, 2005 21:42:56 GMT -5
Post by Locked Out on Aug 10, 2005 21:42:56 GMT -5
Deeper human...? But Sage isn't human...sorry couldn't resist.
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Poetry
Aug 11, 2005 14:20:08 GMT -5
Post by Fafmimbaki on Aug 11, 2005 14:20:08 GMT -5
thhhppp! Okay, our deeper being. How's that?
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Poetry
Aug 12, 2005 15:11:54 GMT -5
Post by Frodo on Aug 12, 2005 15:11:54 GMT -5
Whoa . . . *holds head* Big words! Deep thoughts! I'm not even sure if that's what I was trying to get across! But I now I can't even remember what message I was trying to put into motion, so I guess that works. *shrugs* I thank you for the compliment. I was afraid it was only going to get criticism like it didn't flow right. Its a different rhythem than what I usually use, so yes, its something new, and I'm happy it turned out. Again, thanks.
(this is always the best part of writing. When you've written something and are unsure of whether to ditch it, and then someone ACTUALLY likes it. It just makes your day)
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Poetry
Aug 13, 2005 11:39:36 GMT -5
Post by Locked Out on Aug 13, 2005 11:39:36 GMT -5
I didn't mean to annoy you, Andrea. I was just feeling silly, is all. Pay me no mind.
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Poetry
Aug 13, 2005 14:21:17 GMT -5
Post by Fafmimbaki on Aug 13, 2005 14:21:17 GMT -5
Thhhppp! I know, but you were right....
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Poetry
Aug 13, 2005 18:21:16 GMT -5
Post by Frodo on Aug 13, 2005 18:21:16 GMT -5
"Carefree Heart"
Actions speaking louder than words Unless you’re screaming at the top of your lungs Ready to burst From the breath you’ve kept for yourself
See the fading phoenix-birds Falling in slow-motion from the old ladder’s rungs Couldn’t get worse Trying to jump from the highest shelf
Dancing like a ballerina who’s broken both legs Singing like a rock star who has no voice Enjoying the carefree heart that I have been given I have been given a choice
A picture worth a thousand faces Feed your paranoia with a bite-sized spoon Ignore the crowds They never know what they want
The knight forgets the swords and maces Never thought it would happen so soon Flying through clouds The dragon on his midnight hunt
Dancing like a ballerina who’s broken both legs Singing like a rock star who has no voice Putting fingers in holes where there ought to be pegs Making decisions when I don’t have a choice Writing like an author with no story to tell Painting like an angry color-blind artist Ringing the Belfry that has no bell Making the path of the lost Pacifist Enjoying the heart I have The carefree heart I have been given
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Poetry
Aug 13, 2005 19:41:01 GMT -5
Post by Fafmimbaki on Aug 13, 2005 19:41:01 GMT -5
Woah, wierd.... I like it, but the rythem is a little off... Creepy...
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Poetry
Aug 14, 2005 11:58:28 GMT -5
Post by Locked Out on Aug 14, 2005 11:58:28 GMT -5
As far as I could tell, the rhythm was good. You've changed it, Maddie. I saw what you started out with. It's always interesting to see the original versus the finished product, to see what the author does to get a poem where they want it. It's very good. Was it one of those that wouldn't leave you alone? Anyways, it was good when you started it, and even better now. And it makes sense to me, but then, most of the time, lots of "normal" stuff makes no sense and the strange stuff makes perfect sense. *shrugs* Very, very good. Me gusta mucho! Muy, muy bien!
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Poetry
Aug 15, 2005 8:56:01 GMT -5
Post by Fafmimbaki on Aug 15, 2005 8:56:01 GMT -5
I think that it's the 'A picture with a thousand faces' stanza that throws me off, the last line doesn't flow the same. But other than that, it's pretty good.
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Poetry
Aug 15, 2005 9:49:41 GMT -5
Post by Locked Out on Aug 15, 2005 9:49:41 GMT -5
*cocks head* Hmm. I think Faf is right about the last line. *shrugs*
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Poetry
Aug 16, 2005 14:58:32 GMT -5
Post by Locked Out on Aug 16, 2005 14:58:32 GMT -5
But it's perfect, that aside, it really is! And last lines don't have be the same as the rest, goodness knows none of mine ever are, so I dont' have any right to critisize (sp?). *smacks head agains wall* Ugh. Pay absolutely no attention to the weird person who can't give feedback to save her life. Ack. *looks sheepish* Uhh....n-e-v-e-r m-i-n-d. Sorry.
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Poetry
Aug 16, 2005 17:42:27 GMT -5
Post by Fafmimbaki on Aug 16, 2005 17:42:27 GMT -5
YESSSSS! MWAAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!! HAPPY DAY!!!!!! I forgot that I had put "The Ugly Unicorn" on here! I thought that it was gone for good! YEESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Poetry
Aug 16, 2005 17:53:25 GMT -5
Post by Locked Out on Aug 16, 2005 17:53:25 GMT -5
Woa. That was...completely random. Oh welll. I'm glad you're happy, for whatever reason. I'm going to go check. I don't remember anything called "The Ugly Unicorn" on this thread, but...my memory isn't that great.
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Poetry
Aug 16, 2005 17:53:34 GMT -5
Post by Fafmimbaki on Aug 16, 2005 17:53:34 GMT -5
Wow, I just read your 'Open door' poem Maddie, somehow I missed it before..., and I LOVE IT!!!! Very good! Good flow and rhythem, I can't see anything wrong!
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Poetry
Aug 16, 2005 17:56:11 GMT -5
Post by Locked Out on Aug 16, 2005 17:56:11 GMT -5
Just now saw Maddie's "Doors"? It's a page back! And it's been there for a week or more. *shrugs* Oh well. It still stands- as Faf just said- that it is a very, very good poem.
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