|
Poetry
Aug 22, 2005 18:46:06 GMT -5
Post by Frodo on Aug 22, 2005 18:46:06 GMT -5
faces in the water formless lips whispering of secrets lost and riddles told whirlpools in the wind don’t cry don’t blink just watch the horizons
without love this flat earth would fall into the nothingness of hate and the somethingness of the endless black of space catch a star and hold on
Let go and plummet into the sea cold angry the waves break over me like despair crushes my heart
break the surface breath air see how beautiful it can be no artificial colors in your vision just pure emotions painting a canvas painting a story weave it into life
drenched and weary climb to shore watch the skies and see ripples in the clouds questions in the breezes blowing past without thought without answer
just faces in the water whispering deceit
|
|
|
Poetry
Aug 22, 2005 18:46:44 GMT -5
Post by Frodo on Aug 22, 2005 18:46:44 GMT -5
First free form in a long time! yay!
|
|
|
Poetry
Aug 22, 2005 19:19:56 GMT -5
Post by Locked Out on Aug 22, 2005 19:19:56 GMT -5
It has been a VERY long time since I've seen a free form from you. I like very much. Usa isa berry, berry, talentsad.
Thank you for only coughing. You could've been very nasty about that. It's a testament to your tolerance.
|
|
Name
Friend of Tom Sawyer
Grapes are.... grapy
Posts: 235
|
Poetry
Aug 23, 2005 20:39:49 GMT -5
Post by Name on Aug 23, 2005 20:39:49 GMT -5
let me triy....
poetry is like...um... um... poetry ya and colors are like ... roses?
|
|
|
Poetry
Aug 24, 2005 18:37:02 GMT -5
Post by Gimli on Aug 24, 2005 18:37:02 GMT -5
I watched my life unfold before me, The colors blurred my vision, Nothing much to see, My soul was in devision, Everyone said I was the one, To bring the color's back, But I didn't want to smeer the sun, With my big brown sack, It held my worries and my strain, All my frets and all my pain, And I wouldnt let this sack go, It was mine! I had the scars to show.
They all turned there heads in scorn, I walked on by in shame, They treated me as if a thorn, To there special name, Who knows what the stories tell, Of my journey's and my hell, I had my past and they denied it, Though I knew it well. Picking up my sack I walked on, Wanting to forget the truth, It's now that I turn to you.
|
|
|
Poetry
Aug 24, 2005 18:37:55 GMT -5
Post by Gimli on Aug 24, 2005 18:37:55 GMT -5
and no that had nothing to do with you name, it was being used as a noun.
|
|
|
Poetry
Aug 25, 2005 13:27:53 GMT -5
Post by Locked Out on Aug 25, 2005 13:27:53 GMT -5
Tu escribes muy bien! Me gusta mucho!
|
|
|
Poetry
Aug 25, 2005 16:26:57 GMT -5
Post by Frodo on Aug 25, 2005 16:26:57 GMT -5
That was a good one. Not at good and flowerful as the one with the ravens and such, but I like the metaphor of the brown sack, and the smearing of the sun. I agree with Jordan, whatever it is she said. I only recognize bien.
Oh, and hey Beth - the master of Free form! What do you think of my poem, up at the top? Called Faces In the Water. I just want to know what I could change and what-not.
And name's poem is really interesting. Write more name, write another one! About P-nut butter!
|
|
|
Poetry
Aug 25, 2005 18:16:49 GMT -5
Post by Fafmimbaki on Aug 25, 2005 18:16:49 GMT -5
Yes, a very done bueno to the both of y'alls!
|
|
|
Poetry
Sept 3, 2005 0:03:34 GMT -5
Post by Locked Out on Sept 3, 2005 0:03:34 GMT -5
Note to Faf- bueno is NOT job. Bueno= good. Done bueno? Not proper english or spanish or even spang-lish. And since I'm getting tired of seeing this thread sit without update day after day, I'm going to update it myself. Poor me. I don't get to sit back and be lazy like usual.
And all I can hear Are your poems in my ear “Don’t see me, no, don’t see me.” It replays in my mind Echoes in a place I can’t find So I’m sitting here alone Listening to the resonant tone: “Don’t see me, no, don’t see me.”
Where am I so confused? I let another monster loose. No one can see it tear me apart Ripping at my heart “Don’t see me, no, don’t see me.” I’m losing grip Wanting to scream, biting my lip. Can I turn invisible please? Go where none can find me? “Don’t see me, no, don’t see me.”
I want to run and hide This light is too bright So many things are wrong And the list is too long “Don’t see me, no, don’t see me.” And all I can hear…all I can hear… Are your poems whispering in my ear “Don’t see me, no, don’t see me.”
ALL POEMS ON THIS THREAD ARE THE PROPERTY OF THEIR RESPECTIVE AUTHORS. TO COPY THEM WITHOUT PROPER CREDIT GIVEN IS BREAKING THE LAW. THANK YOU.
|
|
|
Poetry
Sept 3, 2005 0:05:55 GMT -5
Post by Locked Out on Sept 3, 2005 0:05:55 GMT -5
The above is a fairly old poem that has a fairly new companion. I may post it's fraternal twin later. But critisism would be appreciated, please and thank-you.
|
|
|
Poetry
Sept 3, 2005 14:07:45 GMT -5
Post by Fafmimbaki on Sept 3, 2005 14:07:45 GMT -5
No, Bueno=Well. I was saying "well done" in spanglish. Bien=Good.
And I like your poem very much!
|
|
|
Poetry
Sept 3, 2005 14:24:33 GMT -5
Post by Locked Out on Sept 3, 2005 14:24:33 GMT -5
I stand corrected. You're right. And I couldn't tell what you were trying to say, so please excuse my mistake on that point. I'm just sort of nit-picky sometimes. I don't mean to offend or anything.
Thank you, but is there anything I could work on...?
|
|
|
Poetry
Sept 3, 2005 15:10:35 GMT -5
Post by Fafmimbaki on Sept 3, 2005 15:10:35 GMT -5
It's okay, I'm a perfectionist as well. The "Where am I so confused" line is confusing, and the "I'm losing grip" line needs a "my" added in. Those are my suggestions
|
|
|
Poetry
Sept 3, 2005 15:15:11 GMT -5
Post by Locked Out on Sept 3, 2005 15:15:11 GMT -5
Thanks! Duly noted. I believe you're right about the adding "my" in. I was sort of wondering about the rythmn, but couldn't figure out what was wrong with it. Maybe that was it. Or I might just need to tamper with it again. *shrugs* Anyhow, thanks again.
|
|