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Post by Frodo on Jul 24, 2005 17:03:12 GMT -5
It occured to me one day that the whole reason this Entmoot thing started was to A. get together and be silly B. Work on stories (originally one story)
And since we have over-accomplished point A, I wanted to bring in Point B. There needs to be a place where we can just copy and paste a paragraph in our story that just doesn't seem right and where we can get opinions, and editing.
But I'm the only person I know who would get excited over something like this, soooo if this turns out to be just something stupid where we talk about colds and aches and danish coconuts and albedoS then you can kiss this good-bye and we'll go back to No Sense threads in General and Just Won't Die threads in Roleplay! ;D
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Post by Gimli on Jul 25, 2005 12:10:54 GMT -5
I love the idea! Hence....
Tomorrow faded as each passing day brought more and more confusion to the young girls life, the famine over and progess slowly starting to worm its way back into her life, she felt alone. Her powers had been quickly devloping over time as had her shunning from the village. Just recently she had been well to put it lightly completly banished. Now on the barren and deserted road she was slowly walking torwards her new life in the land of who knows where in the town of who knows what.
In other words she needed shelter for the night and was not even close to finding it. Her hair was dirty, her back was sweaty, and her breath smelled fowl, and her magic wasn't doing anything. It wasn't for things like cleanliness.
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Post by merry on Jul 26, 2005 18:21:37 GMT -5
Maddie this is a very good idea. Hay, should I stick part of Dray on here?
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Post by Frodo on Jul 27, 2005 14:31:59 GMT -5
Yes, yes yes!
But I just thought of this - we should give input on the single stories that come in. It wouldn't be good if we were trying to discuss three different stories at one time. It'd be jumbly and messy. Soo, I will do the honors of editing Beth's paragraph and then you can slap your dray up here. ( I can't wait to see what you've added since I last read it!)
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Post by Frodo on Jul 27, 2005 14:38:45 GMT -5
Tomorrow faded as each passing day brought more and more confusion to the young girls life, (Comma? No comma. Should be a period) (Capatailize the T) the famine over and progess slowly starting to worm its way back into her life, (Another period here, and cap S)she felt alone. Her powers had been quickly devloping over time as had her shunning from the village. (Good line - gives good background info)Just recently she had been well to put it lightly completly banished. (This seems too informal. I don't know why, but it does. You could just say that she was now banished from all she had ever known or something?)Now on the barren and deserted road she was slowly walking torwards her new life in the land of who knows where in the town of who knows what.(I like this alot ) In other words she needed shelter for the night and was not even close to finding it. Her hair was dirty, her back was sweaty, and her breath smelled fowl, (Fowl is chiken - Foul is a bad smell) and her magic wasn't doing any thing. It wasn't for things like cleanliness. (Um, what happpens here? For things like cleanliness - what? It's a fragment sentence, needs a point to wrap it up. But I like this so far. It definently has promise. Will you put the rest of it on your blog?? please?)
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Post by Frodo on Jul 27, 2005 14:40:16 GMT -5
Anyone else want to rate Bethy's story? Hurry up, hurry up!
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Post by Fafmimbaki on Jul 27, 2005 18:17:37 GMT -5
It deffinitelly has promise! Although that last sentence is not a fragment. It's fine the way it is.
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Post by Frodo on Jul 28, 2005 15:52:52 GMT -5
Any last takers? takers takers takers?
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Post by Frodo on Jul 29, 2005 16:44:38 GMT -5
I guess we can always bring it up later in a discussion. (Does it have a n a m e, Beth?)
*Prances around wildly with anticipation* Dray! DRAYYYY!!
(Oh, and after we finish with Dray, then I'll put up the Red Feather story so you can tell me what I should change)
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Post by merry on Jul 31, 2005 11:58:37 GMT -5
Ok dray will come, but it may take a bit. The program I wrote it on my dad accidentally deleted.
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Post by Gimli on Aug 2, 2005 11:41:17 GMT -5
Tomorrow faded as each passing day brought more and more confusion to the young girls life. The famine over and progess slowly starting to worm its way back into her life. She felt alone. Her powers had been quickly devloping over time as had her shunning from the village. She was banished from her childhood home and the people she knew best, why? Because she had changed and because she was differrent. Now on the barren and deserted road she was slowly walking torwards her new life in the land of who knows where in the town of who knows what.
In other words she needed shelter for the night and was not even close to finding it. Her hair was dirty, her back was sweaty, and her breath smelled foul, and her magic didn't work for things like cleanliness.
Yes she knew that what she had done was surprising but it most definitly was NOT wrong. Now all she had to concentrate on was well nothing. Walking was pretty much all she had to think about right now. That and finding a place to rest. Wiping the sweat from her face she went forward unsure and uneasy about what was to come.
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Post by Locked Out on Aug 2, 2005 15:58:38 GMT -5
I have Lynn's Dray on my computer. If you like, Nynn, I can post if for you. I don't know if it's up to date- I have no idea if you've added to it since you sent it to me or not- but it's something. It might be slightly different, since I corrected the spelling errors in it for the most part. I did nothing with the grammar- it's your story. I tampered with the spelling because I figured I could mail it back to you and you wouldn't have to edit that piece. I think I already sent it back awhile ago, actually, but it's been I awhile, so I'm not sure. Maddie, clarify something, please. Does a person post all of their story, and get feedback and then the board moves to the next story in the line, or can one simply post ideas or ask about certain aspects rather than posting a story or part of one? And as far as threads go- are there in limitations or things like "poetry stuff goes here and story stuff here"? Sorry. These questions are probably stupid, but I'm slow on the uptake. Thanks.
Beth- The story has promise, but parts of it seem vague-ish, like you left out words. Just out of curiosity, did this come out of the beggining or middle of a story? Or is it a random story spark? Sorry. It's just easier to give feedback, knowing where in the story the paragraph is.
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Post by Frodo on Aug 3, 2005 14:52:20 GMT -5
Yeah, it would be great if one thread was just for poetry, and another for writings. This particular thread is for posting what portion of your story you would like to get opinions. You can put up the whole thing, or just a paragraph. I don't care if you mix the two - just you may not get the best results that way.
If Lynnette just wants to wait for the original Dray on her computer, then I could go ahead and put up Red Feather so we aren't just sitting around. I dunno. Whatever you want to do.
Oh, and I may be starting a new thread of just markets. I have a lot of links for those, so if you guys really wanted to get serious about your writing, then this would be a good idea. if only myself and maybe one or two people are interested, then the space could be used for something else.
If you have any other ideas for the writing section, they would be much appreciated!
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Post by Frodo on Aug 4, 2005 17:54:11 GMT -5
Oh, and example of Market would be: ART THERAPY GROUP NEEDS CHILDREN'S WRITING > www.le-la.org/ArtTherapy/ArtTherapy.htm> --- > LELA's Art Therapy / Art Education program was founded following > the Asian tsunami disaster in 2005. Its mission is to provide > grief counseling, trauma intervention, and healing for children > in crisis through the use of Art Therapy and the creative arts > process. In August, a group of art therapists and artists will > be traveling to the PhangNga region of Thailand. They are > hoping to involve young people in an international support effort > by asking them to write a letter and/or create a piece of art > that will be delivered to a Thai child of a similar age. In > doing so, children will offer a voice of support and compassion > to other children affected by the tsunami. They will also be > given the opportunity of cultural exchange through a possible > long term pen pal relationship with the receiver of their letter/ > artwork. > > During this trip, therapists hope to serve and help over 400 > children, ages 5 – 15, at the Ban Namkhen School. Letters and > images should indicate the age of the child author/artist. An > address should be included if the child is interested in > possible future correspondence. If a child you know is > interested in expressing their support and compassion through > words, e-mail Holly Tupper, Art Therapist at: htupper@gmail.com. > For more information on this art therapy relief project please > visit the website. Its places you send things to so you can put it on your resume - Only if you want to. Sometimes there are poem contests, short stories appearing in newspapers, some of them involve prizes such as movie posters or even cash. But like I said before : don't get involved with it if you're not serious about it.
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Post by Frodo on Aug 4, 2005 17:58:09 GMT -5
And Beth - the revised paragraph is much better. It flows well, and keeps you hooked. And I'm curious, kind of like Jo is - Does it belong to a bigger story? Or is it just some Story Spark?
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